by: Monique Honaman, JD, MLIR
Moving forward is often easier said than done! Finding forgiveness is often easier said than done! Focusing on the future is often easier said than done!
And, all three are imperative if you are going to get out from behind the wall of emotions that divorce brings, and move on towards whatever awaits you in your life story!
I found when I was going through my own divorce I started using the F-word.A lot. That wasn’t my natural style. But, the range of negative emotions that I found myself sorting through left me with a mouth. I was angry, hurt, sad, and back to angry again. The F-word seemed fitting.
However, I soon discovered lots of other really good F-words that were a whole lot more productive.I stopped dropping the F-bomb, and began focusing on new F-words like forgiveness and future.
I think I innately knew that getting stuck in that world of negativity and F-bombs was only hurting me, and while I fully believe in dealing with those emotions head on, I also knew that there was a time to move forward. I had a few people in my life who had gotten stuck, and decades later, it seemed as if they were still treading in that tailspin of anger and hurt.I wondered what made the difference between those who got out of the muck, and those who got stuck in it.
When I was stuck in my negativity, I had two different friends send me cards in the same week. In both cards, each friend referenced the Bible verse from Jeremiah 29:11. I wasn’t familiar with the verse, but found it resonated with me tremendously.It has become my go-to verse and says, ““For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I realized that God did indeed have a plan for me – for my future – and that my getting stuck in my present tense of negativity and swirl was going to prevent that plan from unfolding. I needed to turn my eyes to the future to embrace whatever plan lay ahead of me, and stop looking backwards. That was pivotal for me.
The other thing I realized was that finding forgiveness was absolutely necessary to moving forward and focusing on the future. Finding forgiveness was the key to getting rid of the anger and the resentment that kept me treading in one place, and allowed me to look forward and move forward with positive momentum.Forgiveness is an amazing thing.Tyler Perry said, “It's simple: when you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.”Those are some powerful words, and so incredibly true!
If you find yourself in a situation where you are dropping the F-bomb, where you are stuck in a swirl of negativity, and where you are looking backwards more than you are focusing forward, I encourage you to find new F-words.Start to move forward, find forgiveness in your heart, and focus on the plans for your future. Trust me, it’s a whole lot more invigorating to do all of that than to continue to drop the F-bombs of negativity.Who knows what your future will bring you? It could be a plan much better than one you could ever think of on your own!
Author Monique A. Honaman wrote “The High Road Has Less Traffic: honest advice on the path through love and divorce” in response to a need for a book that provided honest, real, and raw advice about how to survive and thrive through one of life’s toughest journeys. The book is available at www.HighRoadLessTraffic.com and onAmazon.com. Monique can be reached at Monique@HighRoadLessTraffic.com.She writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, and LAFamily.com. Follow Monique on Facebook at “The High Road Has Less Traffic” or Twitter @highroadthebook.