Rediscover Yourself After Divorce

Article by Tammy Greene

One of the most monumental losses experienced during a divorce is the loss of our own personal sense of self.Where there were once feelings of confidence in who you are,there are now feelings of rejection, defeat and hopelessness. When you look in the mirror you may no longer be familiar with the person looking back.

As you begin to take the steps to rebuild your life, it is important that you spend time and energy focusing on your.In order to begin the process of building a new life, you must first rediscover yourself.

Here are some ways to get you started in the direction of getting to know yourself again and lifting the veil of defeat to rediscover your hidden confidence.

Focus on your finances

One of the more obvious struggles with divorce is the financial struggles.You may have been a two income household when you were married and are suddenly thrown into a single income situation.Maybe you didn't work at all and are now forced to.Possibly, your spouse was the one who took care of the finances and you suddenly have to step into that role.

We often spend a lot of money on divorce attorneys, but it is important not to forget to get some financial advice as well.See a financial advisor that can help you get the overall picture of your finances.A qualified advisor can help you put together a plan and a budget so that you can help you pull yourself over the mountain of financial burdens that divorce can bring.It is impossible to move forward if you are buried with worry over money.Taking control of your finances will assist you in regaining a sense of power and confidence.


It is a well documented fact that exercise has not only physical benefits for your body, but also, mental benefits.Recent studies show that regular exercise can reduce the effects of anxiety and depression.This is possibly the result of the body's feel good chemicals, endorphins, that are released during exercise.

Exercise can also provide a much needed distraction to the worries of divorcees

and, just as important, it can help you feel more confident about your appearance.Feeling good about the way we look can give us a huge boost in the area of self confidence.

Eat well

Studies are showing that there seems to be a link between food and our mood.Eating a diet balanced in lean protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables and low in caffeine, sugar and alcohol, helps maintain the chemical, seratonin, in our brain.Seratonin is a chemical produced in our bodies that is said to relieve stress and tension as well as help us to maintain a sense of well being and regulate sleep.Though it may be the last thing on your mind, beginning to focus on healthy eating can put you on the path to feeling good about yourself and finding your "happy" place again.

Surround yourself with positive people

After divorce it can often feel that your world is surrounded in negativity.One way to help you back on the track to positivity is to surround yourself with people who exude apositive energy.Analyze the people in your life.Is there someone that you spend a lot of time with that seems to bring you down?Do you have people around you that seem to lift your spirits?Limit, or possibly eliminate, the time you spend with those that are negative.At this critical time in your life it is important to find the positive light and soak up other people's good energy.A good friend will help lift your spirits and share the sunshine when you are experiencing your darkest days.They will help remind you of all your good qualities and can help you rebuild your self confidence. The saying, "misery likes company" may be true, but to move yourself in the right direction you need to shedyourself of the dark clouds and replace them with rays of sunshine.

Pursue a dream

There is something very energizing and positive about pursuing something that you have always wanted to do, but, for whatever reason, never did.Maybe it is learning to cook or play guitar.Maybe it is finishing a degree or changing your career path.Whatever it may be, pursuing a lifelong passion can direct you down the path of healing and fill you with a sense of accomplishment that you have always longed for.This can help build your self confidence and remind you that you are still capable of making yourself happy and following your own dreams.

Divorce is one of the most difficult and complex challenges you will ever experience, but there is a path to recovery.That path starts with you.Taking care of yourself and rediscovering the person beneath the pain is the only place to begin your journey to rebuilding your love for life and the love for yourself.

Tammy Greene is a graduate of the University of La Verne. She has worked as a Child Life Specialist and social worker assisting families who have children with illness or mental disabilities. Tammy is a producer of the national PBS children’s television show, Curiosity Quest. She has a blog, Married and Naked, where she shares personal lessons learned from her own life, offering helpful ways to navigate through the challenges of marriage. Tammy is happily married to her high school sweetheart and is the mother of two. She is a contributing expert at,,, and See Tammy’s Curiosity Quest website at Follow her blog, MarriedandNaked, at