by: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Parenting during and after divorce can be complex, frustrating and confusing. However, every day parents around the world are coping with the challenges and raising happy, well-adjusted children.

There are many factors that influence your effectiveness as a parent. Here, we’ll review three factors that play an important role in your pre- and post-divorce parenting success.

by: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Divorce conflicts between parents can get ugly. And, too often parents tend to vent or share this anger about the other parent with one or more of the children involved. The results can be devastating – not only for the “target” parent, but for the children, as well.

This is just one form of parental alienation which is a serious and very complex set of behaviors which often feel justified by the alienating parent. The problem is that children caught in the middle are often confused about being told disrespectful things about the other parent and can learn to manipulate both parents in ways that are destructive for the child’s socialization and ultimate well-being.

by: Michele Sfakianos, RN, BSN

Man and woman relationships, alone, are difficult. When you add his kids, her kids, his ex, her ex and the in-laws, most people cannot handle the pressure. Stepfamilies require more effort and understanding because of more people involved, and this often includes young ones who didn’t ask to be put into the situation to begin with.

by: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

An Australian study found that children who spend equal time with both parents after a divorce or separation are doing well. While that is not surprising, the study also found that children who spent most time with their mothers were doing just as well. In other words, it wasn’t the form of the divorce that affected the results. Other important factors influenced the outcome.

“On the whole, the more contact a child has with both parents, the better for the child,” said Professor Ian Katz, the chief investigator of the team led by researchers from the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia.

by: Gary Stokes

The marital relationship is the most important factor in raising children well. My wife and I failed to achieve a great marriage, so we were mediocre parents most of the time and often worse than mediocre.

Married at 17 and 18, we didn’t know much about marriage. Our parents had avoided divorce, but did not provide a model for a loving marriage. Three children came early and—in the absence of maturity—my wife and I made it up as we went along.

by: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

A wise man was once asked: What is the greatest gift a parent can give their children? His answer was, “Love your wife.” (Or husband, I will add).

As a Divorce & Parenting Coach, that response had a huge impact on me. Because it teaches a vitally important lesson. Why is loving your wife such a valuable gift to your children? Because:

by: Cynthia MacGregor

Even if you swore off men (or swore off marriage) after your divorce, chances are that after some time passed your attitude mellowed—or, if that hasn’t happened yet, it will.

You started dating again, and while there were times you thought you were scraping the bottom of the pickle jar, eventually you met a winner. If this were a fairy tale, you and your new prince would ride happily off into the sunset together to begin a new life of joy. But hey—guess what? This is reality! And when it comes to reality, there are always a few hitches. Some are surmountable. And some…well, some aren’t.

by: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT 

1. They look, behave and talk as they always have.

Divorce can be devastating for kids, often resulting in anxiety, fears, hurt, anger, guilt and other negative emotions.

If your children are interacting with you and moving through their days pretty much as usual, that’s a good sign. Look for any noticeable changes in mood and behavior and address them early on.

by: Jim Duzak, JD.

Dear Jim:

I’m 41 and married with two kids (7 and 9). My parents got divorced when I was in eighth grade, and I vowed that if I ever got married I would never make my own kids go through what I had to go through. Well, guess what? I’m unhappily married and struggling every day with the question of whether I should stay in my marriage or start over.

My husband is a decent person and a great father, but I married him for the wrong reasons (I had been dumped by the man I thought was the love of my life, and needed to be wanted by someone, even someone I didn’t love). If there were no kids involved, I would have left my husband years ago and we’d both probably be happier now. I don’t want to keep living like this, but I don’t want my kids to suffer or to resent me all their lives. Can you help me sort things out?

by: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Stay together for the sake of the kids? Generations of miserable parents followed that advice hoping their sacrifices would pay off for their children in the end.

Many still believe that’s the only option for parents stuck in a dead-end marriage.

Based on my own personal experience, I have another perspective. Having been raised by parents that chose to stay together in a miserable marriage, I opt in on the other side. For me, parental divorce is preferable to years of living in a home where parents fight, disrespect one another and children are surrounded by sadness and anger. That's the world I grew up in, and the scars are still with me today, many decades later.