Lessons From Cinderella's Slipper

by: Lisa Borchetta, MACP, CMC, ACC

Poor Prince Charming, he had to knock on a lot of doors before he found the foot that would slip perfectly into the recovered glass slipper. We all know that “no two people are exactly alike.”

Even identical twins can have remarkable differences – so why would we assume that divorce means the same thing for each couple it touches or each individual it affects? While for some divorce can be characterized by ugly custody battles, endless legal wranglings and bitterness, for others it can be a life altering epiphany and the start of a wonderful new chapter. And everyone who has ever been through a divorce has their own “two cents” to add.

When you are in the early stages of the divorce process there is no shortage of advice out there about how “best” to proceed. Negotiating through the words of wisdom can be a confusing process that may even do more to complicate your situation then to make it easier. Which is not to say – that there isn’t a lot of wonderful, helpful information out there – but rather that it just won’t all be relevant to your particular situation.

So, that said, here’s my “two cents” on how to find the information that will be most helpful to you during the divorce process. When we feel stressed it is easier to be less confident in what we truly know to be true and thus more easily pulled by the influence of others. Spend some time mindfully focused on your self-awareness, your life, your needs, the dynamics of the situation and your goals for the outcome. Even the most helpful of helpers – can sometimes do more harm than good.

Not dissimilar from the need to set limits on the “delivery nightmares” women often are eager to share with first-time pregnant mothers – divorce brings its own litany of cautionary tales. It is okay – to tell people “thanks, but no thanks” when their words are doing more to increase your anxiety than help you figure out your next step. There is a wealth of wonderful, useful information available on divorce. When looking for resources, focus on what speaks to you and your situation; you don’t have to read everything that’s out there. Relevancy and usefulness are key.

The divorce process is difficult enough even in the most peaceful of circumstances. Avoid advice and interventions that are aimed toward escalating the adversarial aspects of the process. Cooler heads prevail. Your Long-term Best Interests – When engaging the services of outside professionals – be vigilant and surround yourself with people that understand your circumstance, support your best interest and look to creating an on-going plan that will work best for all parties.

You can get through this, and there are plenty of people around to help. You get to choose - who. And if the shoe fits? Wear it – but sometimes it’s better to go barefoot!

Lisa Borchetta, MACP, CMC, ACC is a Certified Life Coach and owner of Firebird Life Coaching. In addition to her coaching work with individual and group clients, Lisa is also a public speaker, teacher and writer. She is a former Mental Health Counselor and holds a Master's Degree in Counseling. Lisa writes for HopeAfterDivorce.org, FamilyShare.com, CupidsPulse.com, and LAFamily.com. You can visit Lisa’s website at http://www.firebirdlifecoaching.com">www.firebirdlifecoaching.com, her blog at firebirdlifecoach.wordpress.com and her FB page at www.facebook.com/FirebirdLifeCoaching