The Power of Self Talk

by: Allison Lloyds, LMFT

“Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path.” (-Steve Jobs)

When faced with difficult chapters or transitions in our lives (like divorce) many of us can get into the habit of repeating negative statements (often called “negative self-talk”) about the situations and events in our daily lives. When we do this, we can actually continue to foster difficult feelings and outcomes. The words we use can help us to think positively and move forward in our lives or they can keep us stuck…so it’s important to think about the messages you are telling yourself on a daily basis.

Take a moment to think about this question…do you repeat negative statements in your mind, perhaps without even being aware that you are doing so? Perhaps you think and tell yourself over and over that you can’t accomplish something or that you don’t feel strong enough to get through this chapter in your life.Your subconscious mind accepts these negative thoughts as truth and begins to craft a story with this negative theme. It is not easy to make these shifts in your thoughts if you have a long history of negative self-talk…but just being aware of your thoughts and thinking about them is a great place to start.

I encourage many of my clients to actively question their negative self-talk and the mental messages that they are telling themselves. It’s important to remember that just because you have a thought doesn’t mean that it’s accurate or that it is serving you in a healthy way. You need to actually think about your thinking!

Take a look at the positive statements below. Write down some of the statements which resonate with you and practice using them when your thoughts start to veer off in a negative direction or if you are having a difficult day. These positive affirmations are simple statements that can be repeated and help you keep your self-talk more supportive and positive during trying times.

  • It’s okay to be myself around others. I’m willing to try to be myself around others, even if this is difficult.
  • I appreciate my personal achievements.
  • I am a unique and special person. I am capable. I am satisfied doing the best that I can every day.
  • I am willing to allow others and ask for help if needed. I acknowledge my need for other people.
  • I am open to receiving help from others.
  • I am willing to take the risk of getting close to others and letting them into my life, even if it feels vulnerable.
  • I am learning to relax and let go. It’s okay if I’m not perfect 24/7.
  • I am doing the best I can as a (insert role here: Mom, Dad, Business Owner, Teacher, Friend, Husband, Wife, etc.)
  • It’s okay to feel upset or disappointed when things go wrong…but I will try my best to be strong and resilient.
  • It’s okay if I don’t always have the right answer.
  • I do the best I can – and I’m satisfied with that.
  • I’m learning to be honest and authentic with others, even when it’s not an easy feeling.
  • I believe that I am capable of change and growth.
  • I am learning to trust other people.
  • I am learning to experience life in the present and let go of the past. I am not fearful of the future.
  • I am willing to let go of what I can’t directly control.
  • I’m making a commitment to myself to try to take small steps to overcome my problem (insert problem here: with money, with friends, with my ex, etc.)

Remember, our actions are directly inspired by the thoughts that we think. These positive affirmations are simple statements that can be repeated and help you keep your self-talk more supportive and positive…and help you feel more empowered as you move forward in your life.

Allison Lloyds, LMFT supports clients in finding and creating more happiness, peace, and cultivating healthy relationships. Allison's specialties include working with individuals and couples who are successful in many aspects of their lives, but want to improve their relationships, career or work dynamics, or are seeking support in dealing with life transitions, loss, depression or anxiety. Allison is a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, the Women's Mental Health Consortium and the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. You can learn more about Allison and her private practice by visiting or calling(917) 399-3837. Follow Allison on Twitter @SynergeticPsych.