Freedom From Vicitm Mentality

by: Kimberly Roos, RMT

"Nothing changes til we change it!" 

When I went through divorce, I found it easy to get caught up in a powerless, victim mentality because I couldn’t control a spouse, or former spouse, and their choices. I felt like I was my old inflatable clown punching bag I had as a kid, and every time there was a hit, a fall back would occur prior to a reactive swing forward for another hit.Three ways to avoid being the clown and create freedom from victim mentality is to decide to reclaim power, to take responsibility for wellbeing by using the scientific method and to be our own health and wellness expert.

Decide to Reclaim Power:

The first step in reclaiming power is to acknowledge there are things beyond our control.We can’t control others or what they create and we can’t control the genes from our creation.That being said, the next step is to recognize what we can control, which is ourselves and how we respond to others and the situation given to us.Decide to reclaim power by choosing to do what is necessary to change the situation, not the people or genes, the situation.

Take Responsibility by Using the Scientific Method:

After making a decision to reclaim power and step out of victim mentality, it is necessary to take responsibility by taking action by using the scientific method. This method includes how toquestion, research, make a hypothesis, experiment, analyze results, draw conclusions, and review results.These steps create a way to identify the problem and how to resolve it.

Be a Health and Wellness Expert:

Finally, in an age of specialization it is easy to believe that professionals have all the answers and we are to blindly follow their lead.While they are certainly knowledgable having many answers,and it would be foolish not to consider their expertise, we also have been given a brain and are more knowledgeable of our own circumstance than any expert.Recognize how to be a health and wellness expert for your own life.

Freedom From Victim Mentality:

Finally, while it is true divorcees take a lot of hits, it doesn’t mean we have to be the powerless clown swinging forward to get hit again.Freedom from victim mentality requires reclaiming personal power by deciding to change the situation, taking responsibility to make an action plan by using the scientific method, and gaining experience resulting in expertise of what works and doesn’t work in our very unique and personal life.

Kimberly Roos Camper (BYU) worked at the Covey Leadership Center. Since then she has worked as a family advocate assisting in the passing of legislation to benefit divorced families. She is an educator, and holds certifications in Holistic Health, Emotional Release Work, RMT and Yoa. Kimberly is an Independent Consultant for doTERRA International,LLC.

She was a contributor to the books, "Hope After Divorce," and "The Bright Red Bow." Kimberly writes for, and LAFamily. Visit her website at