by: Janeen Diamond
Quote: “...we see a few redeeming qualities and we think we’ve found “the one.” Well, let me tell you - some of us have found “the one” more than once!”
What is it about us humans that we believe, in order to be truly happy, we need a significant other in our life at all times? I think more of us need to work on being okay with being alone — at least for awhile until we know we are ready for the kind of relationship that will truly add to our own individual happiness.
Now, you know me — I always try to keep a dose of positive attitude in everything I write. So today’s message may come across as a bit of a downer, but I believe it is too important so I’m going to go for it.
The divorce rate continues to climb, and I’m convinced it’s because people — and particularly we women — get in such a rush to marry or re-marry, that we see a few redeeming qualities and we think we’ve found “the one.” Well, let me tell you - some of us have found “the one” more than once!
We wind up telling ourselves things like:
"But he’s completely different from my last husband.”
“He’s just so wonderful with my kids.”
“Who cares if he drinks a little too much - he’s just so amazing.”
“So what if his ex-wife hates him - he’s just misunderstood.”
“Okay, he’s irresponsible - but he’s so generous with his money.”
“I don’t know that much about his past but that’s just because he’s a very private person.”
“Yeah, I know he’s got a temper, but he has so much stress in his life - I can make everything all better.”
Let me say here... yes, of course there are good men out there. I know many. But there are a lot of bad ones, too, and the world of divorce seems to make them surface in droves. I don’t make it a habit of recommending books, but I came across one that I actually want my youngest daughter to read before she even starts dating. That means I think every woman, married or dating, should read it, too, before she overlooks the warning signs, or so she can finally realize why she’s been beating her head against the wall trying to make the relationship work.
It’s called “How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved.” And, boy! Is it an eye opener! Now, to all you ladies reading this who are in that place where you’re looking for a new relationship, let’s give this a positive spin because I won’t be able to live with myself otherwise.
Let’s be the woman who is so happy with herself and her life that she does not need a man to fulfill her.
Let’s be the woman who spots a good man when he does come along and attracts him into her life because she is stable and independent and happy.
Let’s be the woman who is able to step back and examine the facts before jumping feet first into a relationship that may leave you heartbroken at best.
Let’s be the woman who takes a pass on all the drama, and looks for a grownup to be a lifelong partner who brings joy and stability and lasting love into the relationship.
The task of finding a genuine man who will appreciate you, love you, take care of you, and allow you to be who you are - and who is also loving, kind, secure and stable (and funny would be an added bonus) doesn’t need to be as hard as we make it. Be the kind of woman who will attract this kind of man, and don’t settle for anything less than what you want and what you deserve. If you’re currently in the market for a new relationship, just remember to be careful, be watchful, and be open to dating and marrying good, solid men — who may not be as exciting in the beginning — but who will make your dreams come true in the end. Here is another great article talking about the keys for a successful marriage. It truly does take two to make it work.
Janeen Diamond left KUTV News in 2001 after the birth of her daughter, Gabby. Since that time, she has been actively producing commercials and special programming through her company, “Your TV Spot.” She has hosted several television and internet productions, and has been a spokesperson for several products and companies. Janeen has authored her first book, “Save Your Marriage in 30,” and hopes to help families have greater success and live happier lives. She is a leader over the youth in her church and takes a special interest in helping kids stay on track with their lives. She is also currently co-creating “Teen Impact TV,” a website for high school students to give them a creative and emotional outlet. Janeen is a contributing expert atHopeAfterDivorce.org,FamilyShare.com, CupidsPulse.com, and LAFamily.com.